Food Jokes

None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.

What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach?

I won't digest yet.

Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?

Because the servers cannot be found

Why didn't the shrimp share his food?

He was a little shellfish

Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?

Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.

Why are you giving a mouse any food?

That's unsanitary.

How do Mexicans keep their food warm?

Chicken Fajitas.

Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?

Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag

What do you call a small dog that can store food?

Pupperware

What happens when you drink food colouring?

You dye a little on the inside.

Why did the hipster burn his tounge?

Because he ate his food before it was cool.

What did Ryu say when I asked if I could have some of his food?

SHORYUKEN***

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

What do you call food between two slices of bread?

A sandwich

Where's the food and why are you naked?

Me: "Am I doing it wrong This is my first picnic."

What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?

The food!

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

What do Asgardians use to keep food hot?

A Thormos.

Where did the drug addict keep his food and dishes?

The potry

Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?

Both are food from aloft!

What food is bad for epileptic people?

Seizure salad

How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?

Allah carte.

Where does a Mexican store his food?

Hispantry

Whole Foods ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what?

ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods

Why wasn't there any food after the monster party?

Because everyone was a goblin.

What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?

Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.

What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?

Miso sorry...

What's a cannibal's favourite type of food?

Finger food!

What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant?

Chickpea

Why did the chicken lay an egg?

Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

How do Muslims like their food served?

Allah Carte

What do you call a rotten lamb chop?

Food gone ba-a-a-a-a-ad.

What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?

A polynomeal

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the Shrek accent to work.

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's

Why do Americans deep fry so much food?

A. They love OIL

What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?

On the Origin of Feces*

Why did the pig join the Army?

He heard the food was a mess.

How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

Her food is potion-controlled.

How can you make a slow horse fast?

Don't give him any food.

Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?

They don't want to be ostrich-sized!

How does Dracula like to have his food served?

In bite-sized pieces.

What country do all cats wish to get their food from?

Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

What food are you able to can?

Cannibal (can able) food.

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

Let us prey.

What food is good for the brain?

Noodle soup.

Why doesn't your menu list prices?

Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.

What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?

Snakes and Larders!sna

Where we going?

Will there be food Why do I have to die Why didn't you like my last pic..

What's the cure for world hunger?

Food

Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials?

Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

What is the similarity in between a dark joke and food?

Not everyone gets it

What does a panda say when it's out of food?

Chute

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Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?

You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

What do mathematicians use to get fast delivery?

Amazon'

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Who's there! Brian! Brian who?

Brian drain!

What does a dyslexic zombie say?

Brian's... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!

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How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.

What Journey song to Chinese people sing at funerals?

Don't Stop Bereavin'

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What song do the zombies of Westeros sing?

The Brains of Castamere.

Why is the brain always anxious?

It's part of the nervous system.

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What do you call a corn cob on a track team?

A maize runner. Credit goes to my girlfriend.

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals?

The Lakers. (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals.) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke.

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What's a cheetah's favorite food?

Fast Food!!!...

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Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

Food Jokes

Why does no one buy food for a platypus?

Love

What's you experience with "Friends with benefits"?

What does Pikachu say when he puts too much salsa on his food?

What do dark jokes and food have in common?

What's a Southeastern Asian business professional's favorite food?

Why is the food so cold and bland?

What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?

What is Son Goku's least liked food?

What does dark humor have in common with food?

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food?

Why did Bernie Sanders's chicken restaurant throw out so much food?

What's the food equivalent to Rachel Dolezal?

What do Chinese people call Chinese food?

When can you store food in a door?

What kind of food can you color with?

How do you know if a chef is a clown?

What's the only thing worse than finding a roach in your food?

What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend?

Whole Foods?

How does Frodo make his own food?

Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?

How does Haskell like his food?

Why should I shave my downstairs?

What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?

What food do all basketball players hate?

Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid?

Your Age Is Only Math

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

What do dark humour and food have in common?

What food is given to ebola patients?

How Much Food did Soviet Ukraine Need in the Early 1930s?

What kind of food do zombies hate?

How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?

What did the stuttering Mexican say to his friend when he tried to steal his food?

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

How can you tell which Russian olympic spectators are actually KGB agents?

How do you best serve burned food?

What did the plate say to the mug?

How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?