What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more?

Philip Hoffman's belt.

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How do you get in with a pretty nurse?

You need to be patient.

Why was Homer Simpson in such a rush to get to the Kwik-E-Mart?

He desperately needed Apu.

Mark Jokes More Mark Jokes

How long did you spend on your cosplay?

Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked "Casual"*

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?

With spirit levels.