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What's long and thick and turns conservative women on?

The Bible

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How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

Why did the kittens turn atheist?

Coz their eyes opened.

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

How much would you say you read the Bible?

Well, I don't read it religiously." Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.