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Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

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Why was Lindsay Lohan feeling sleepy?

He was buying drinks.

Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings?

He wanted more Monet in his wallet.

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What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?

Best vicious of the season

What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact?

Well fangcy that!