Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

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Where do dead people buy their cigarettes?

At the coroner store.

What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters?

This is non-cents!

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What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?

He wanted to improve his bite.