What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.

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What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.

What do emos say at good parties?

It slit.

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Why didn't Abraham Lincoln go to jail?

Because he was in-a-cent!

What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.