Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

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Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

Who was the only president that was not guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

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How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

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How much did the critic tip the waiter?

Two cents

What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested?

I'm-in-a-cent!