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What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

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Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?

He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!

What did Nietzsche tell his editor when he finished writing Thus Spoke Zarathustra?

It's over, man.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How do you know Tiger Woods is one of the richest people in the world?

He plays golf.

What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?

A new age song.

Peyton Manning Jokes More Peyton Manning Jokes

What did Peyton Manning said to his younger brother about the new NFL rule?

ELI5 (explain me like I am five)

Why is it bad that Peyton Manning shilled for Budweiser?

Because he clearly owed the win to Miller.

Abraham Lincoln Jokes More Abraham Lincoln Jokes

Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.

Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.