What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

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Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

What did the guy say after he finished jacking off?

Well that got a load off my mind.

Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race?

WTF) His thighs were burning too bad.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What did the Dalai Llama play on stage at Glastonbury?

Yakmanninov

What do you call it when you play tug-of-war with a pig?

Pulled pork.

Peyton Manning Jokes More Peyton Manning Jokes

What did Peyton Manning said to his younger brother about the new NFL rule?

ELI5 (explain me like I am five)

Why is it bad that Peyton Manning shilled for Budweiser?

Because he clearly owed the win to Miller.

Abraham Lincoln Jokes More Abraham Lincoln Jokes

What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

What's a movie?

Why didn't the cops ever charge Abraham Lincoln?

Because he was always in a cent.