Why couldn't the NSA go outside?

They were Snowden.

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Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers?

Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm.

Why can't Edward leave Russia?

He's Snowden.

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Why can't the NSA leaker leave Russia?

Because he's Snow'd-in!

What do you call the Mexican version of the NSA?

Jalapeno Business...........