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Why do I need the life vest?

Me: If you have to ask, you might not need one.

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Why don't you ask about the home life of a filing cabinet?

It's usually a sorted affair.

What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap?

He said "Sure! I could loan some Dove".

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Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

Why are nuns like a brand new TV?

You need a knife to get in the box.