Why won't Bernie Sanders win the rational election?

Because he's two radical.

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Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

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What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk?

He can't stand the 1%