How alcoholic is a drink that's guaranteed to get you drunk?

Fool proof!

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What did the clown say after having a few drinks?

I'm feeling funny

Why do anarchists only drink herbal infusions?

Because proper tea is theft.

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Where is the best place to screw a Mt. Goat?

The edge of a cliff, you are guaranteed she will push back!

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

I1