Guarantee Jokes

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

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Love

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How alcoholic is a drink that's guaranteed to get you drunk?

Fool proof!

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

What does MSG stand for?

Mandarin Service Guaranteed.

Who is guaranteed to win?

Society.

What is the 100% guaranteed way to get younger looking skin?

Believe in reincarnation.

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Invite Jokes More Invite Jokes

What do you feed a feminist at a cookout?

Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout.

Why wasn't Thor invited to his brother's surprise party?

Odin wanted to keep it 'Loki'.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

Why are Mumford &amp Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Where are the Atlantis and the lost treasures of many renowned pirates?

Nobody knows.It's a well kept seacret.

What happened when Honey Boo Boo's mom lost 120 pounds?

An amber alert was issued

Space Jokes More Space Jokes

What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

What do they do with rope in space?

Tie Astro-knots.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What water does Snake drink?

Big Voss.

How do you turn German beer into American Beer?

Drink it

Computer Scientist Jokes More Computer Scientist Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

What do you call a party with 100 midgets?

A little get together.

What's got a pair of balls and 100 teeth?

A crocodile Q: what's got a 100 balls and a pair of teeth? A: A singing choir of army veterans

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?

The champire!

Why do 2 bit gamblers never win at blackjack?

Because they can only count to 3.