Guarantee Jokes

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

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How alcoholic is a drink that's guaranteed to get you drunk?

Fool proof!

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

What does MSG stand for?

Mandarin Service Guaranteed.

Who is guaranteed to win?

Society.

What is the 100% guaranteed way to get younger looking skin?

Believe in reincarnation.

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Cliff Jokes More Cliff Jokes

What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff?

Baa-Dum-Sss

Who's there! Ankara! Ankara who?

Ankara went off the cliff!

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What do you get a body builder for Christmas?

A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.

Why doesn't UGA ever have a nativity scene at Christmas?

Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

How do you get 100 babies into a bowl?

A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips

What's got a pair of balls and 100 teeth?

A crocodile Q: what's got a 100 balls and a pair of teeth? A: A singing choir of army veterans

Egyptian Jokes More Egyptian Jokes

How did the Egyptian go broke?

He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.

Why did the Egyptian spit out his water?

Because it came from the Suez.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What you got there?

Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels?

Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

How did the group of 4 dogs win the golf tournament?

They combined for 16 paws.

What is a bigot?

A bigot is anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Charlie Sheen Jokes More Charlie Sheen Jokes

How long does Charlie Sheen last in bed?

Two and a half minutes.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.