Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

Lettuce pray

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What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

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Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Break Jokes More Break Jokes

How much does the average introvert weigh?

Not enough to break the ice.

How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules?

Post something humorous in. P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?

Bubble Bath Jokes More Bubble Bath Jokes

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What dog loves to take bubble baths?

A shampoodle!

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why was the heroin dealer arrested at the basketball game?

He was talking smack.

Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons?

They won't talk no matter how you grill them!

God Jokes More God Jokes

What did the angel say when he saw God make the element Phosphorus?

It's a match made in Heaven!

What do my dad and God have in common?

I've never seen or heard from either of them.

Egyptians Jokes More Egyptians Jokes

What were the polite Egyptians running away from?

DaRUDE Sandstorm

How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire?

Pyroglyphs.

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

How do you make a Whiskey Sour?

Crush it's hopes and dreams.

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

Tumblr User Jokes More Tumblr User Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart

Why do woman out live men?

They don't have wives