Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

Lettuce pray

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What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

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Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Why do computer scientists get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!

Public Transportation Jokes More Public Transportation Jokes

Why are there so many trees in Harlem?

For public transportation.

How do you improve public transportation in Ferguson, MI?

Move the trees closer together.

Lettuce Pray Jokes More Lettuce Pray Jokes

What did the priest say at the salad bar?

Lettuce pray.

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam?

He couldn't get the saddest fraction.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why didn't Drake head on down to South Park?

He would never leave his woes behind.

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What did the manager say to his new Chinese intern?

How, are you?

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?

Lena Dunham wrote the book about it.

What did the book say to the librarian?

Can I take you out