Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

Lettuce pray

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What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

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Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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What on Earth happened?

The doctor said, surprised. "I don't know, it started with a boil on my arse." the frog said.

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

God Jokes More God Jokes

Why don't we say Grace?

Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry

What do you call someone who loves Christmas but doubts the existence of God?

Eggnog-stic.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

How is a Silver Medal and a Priest the same?

They both came in a little behind.

What did the nun say to the priest?

Shut up

Itune Jokes More Itune Jokes

What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding?

He force quit.

What's the Pope iTunes play-list name?

Pray-list.

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

Why is the food so cold and bland?

Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.

How can you tell if a duck has soul?

If it's bill withers!

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

How do you know when your vegetables are boiled?

Their wheelchair floats to the top.

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Why did the baseball player fail at the math test?

He used base 3.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

What is the hardest part about your wife telling you she has AIDS?

Acting surprised.