Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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What do you call 11 people on national television debatting religion?

The republican presidential candidates.

What religion do Saudi Arabian cows follow?

Mooslim

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Why did they plant trees in Harlem?

Public transportation.

Why does Harlem have so many trees?

Public transportation.

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What do books have that Mexicans don't?

Papers.

Where's Wally?

Book today but couldn't find one anywhere. Well played, Wally. Well played.

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Whats the Difference between an Atheist, a Christian and a Dog?

DogMa

How can you tell someone's an atheist?

You can't. They'll always tell you first.

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How do you know which bear to talk to in a bar?

You have to read ursine.

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Why did the privileged white guy fail his algebra test?

He didn't know enough about inequalities

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Foreplay Jokes More Foreplay Jokes

What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

What's the difference between foreplay and KFC?

Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

The communist wants equality