Hope Jokes

What's Justin Timberlake's favourite Microsoft Word alignment?

Justified. (NB Sincerely hoping that this is actually original)

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here

What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?

The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.

What do horses hope for on election day?

A stable economy

What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

What is the difference between Windows and the US Goverment?

There is none. All of us hope that the next version will be more stable.

What's the difference between and elephant and a mail box?

I don't know. I hope you're not allowed to take the mail out to the mail box.

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

Why did the geologist's wife leave him?

He was getting physical (first joke hope you like it)

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What is Reddits favorite country?

Chi-LE!!!!!!!!!! My girlfriend came up with that one hope u guys love it as much as I do!!!!!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

What does a fisherman say when he catches a fish?

His catch-phrase. Short n' Sweet, hope you like it!

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

The nun has hope in her soul!

What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath?

The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!

What's the difference between a woman kneeling in prayer and a woman kneeling in a bathtub?

A woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul.

What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.

How does a SQL expert get a date?

GetDate() (I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)

What do you call a fuzzy animal that grows on trees?

A root bear! (I came up with this joke a few minutes ago. I hope it's funny)

What did the byte do to keep each of his bits safe?

He had to a-lock-eight into memory. -This is an original, hope you all enjoy.

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

Asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What do you call a person who has lost all hope?

Linus

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

What should you do if you see a vicious dog?

Hope he doesn't see you.

How many Super Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL ZEEEEE! (I really hope this isn't a repost)

What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

OC A Scoli-ocean! (Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black?

A glimmer of hope

Where are they going to take me?

I hope its somewhere good

What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?

Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.

What did Dr Dre say to his wife during Netflix and chill?

Hope you're ready for the next episode

Why did the chiropractor have trouble waiting behind people?

Because he didn't know what alignment. I hope this one cracks you up!

Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?

They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

How do you make a Whiskey Sour?

Crush it's hopes and dreams.

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

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Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

How can you tell if a duck has soul?

If it's bill withers!

Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate?

He thought they'd want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin' chickens right also.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros?

A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

Nurse Jokes More Nurse Jokes

What did the nurse say to John Cena?

ICU.

Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an erection?

Because he was constantly nursing a semi.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

What's the best time of this month for vampires?

It depends on the girl

Why girls live longer than boys?

SHOPPING" never causes HEART ATTACKS, but,"PAYING the "BILLS" does

Horse Jokes More Horse Jokes

What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

What did the cow say to the horse?

Mooooooo

Lady Jokes More Lady Jokes

What Pokmon does the best with the ladies?

Charm-ander

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!