Bath Jokes

What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?

The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.

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What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath?

Throw in your washing.

Why did the ocean take a bath?

It had a sandy bottom.

Why'd the robber take a bath?

He wanted to make a clean getaway.

What are you supposed to do when someone is having a seizure in the bath?

Throw a load of dirty laundry in.

Why did the thief take a bath?

To get a clean getaway

What breed of dog loves to take a bath?

A shampoodle

Why does Peter Parker have a shower in his apartment?

He can't get out of a bath.

What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath?

Polly unsaturated!

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?

After a week he was spotless!

When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath what is still dirty?

The bathtub.

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What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot?

Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah

What do a Yugo and a bath have in common?

You can't step out of them in public.

Why do you take baths in milk?

I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

Why does Tiger have to take so many baths?

Because he plays with Pooh all day.

Where does a vampire take a bath?

In the bat-room (bathroom).

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What kind of bath can you take without water?

A sun bath.

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

How do you call for a bath?

With a Teletubbie.

Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks!

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What can we do to stop polluting our waters?

Pupil: Stop taking baths

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?

A little bear!

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

What's Jay-Z's favorite store?

Bed, bath and Beyond-ce.

Why did the robber take a bath?

So he could make a clean getaway.

What criminal doesn't take baths?

A dirty crook.

How do you know that there's a monster in your bath?

You can't get the shower curtain closed.

Why did the bank robber take a bath?

So he could make a clean getaway.

Why did the burgler take a bath?

He wanted to have a 'clean getaway'.

What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

Speak now or forever hold your pee!

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

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How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

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How is a lady like a casino?

Liquor in the front and poker in the back

What Pokmon does the best with the ladies?

Charm-ander

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Why did the kids with the fancy bus try so hard?

Fo' Frizzle

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he sent him off to college?

Bison

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What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud?

Conversation

Why did the lady stare at the orange juice?

Because she thought it was telling her to concentrate!

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What's incredibly fast and smells like curry?

Usain Bolti.

What's brown and smells funny?

Clown Poo

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How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What do horses hope for on election day?

A stable economy

Eve Jokes More Eve Jokes

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

What did God say after she made Eve?

Practice makes perfect.

Eden Jokes More Eden Jokes

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.