Microsoft Jokes

What's Justin Timberlake's favourite Microsoft Word alignment?

Justified. (NB Sincerely hoping that this is actually original)

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What do Microsoft updates and Brock Turner have in common?

They install at night, while you are asleep, without consent.

Why is apple afraid of microsoft?

Because 7 8 10

Which phone??

Person 1: Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2: Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1: So what about summers then? Person 2: Same, it freezes often as well

Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10 and skip 9?

Because Windows 8 9.

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9?

Because Windows 7 ate 9.

Why did microsoft go straight to windows 10?

They were trying to keep their german market.

Why did microsoft go directly to windows 10?

Because windows 7 8 9

Why isn't there a Windows 9?

Hey Microsoft, why is there no Windows 9? You've given us 7 and 8, and now you're skipping straight to 10?" "Well, to be completely honest, 7 8 9."

What's your favourite food if you hate Microsoft Word?

TeX-MeX

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Why did Microsoft skip windows 9?

Because 7 ate 9

Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

They revived to much XP

Why is Microsoft going straight to Windows 10?

Because 7.. 8.. 9

Why did Microsoft skip to windows 10?

Because 7 8 9.

Why won't Microsoft hire any maids?

Because they don't do Windows

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9?

Because Windows 7 8 9

What would a scandal involving Microsoft be called?

Gatesgate.

Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9

Why is Microsoft coming out with a windows 10 instead of 9?

Because 7 8 9

Why did Microsoft name their new operating system Windows 10?

Because Windows 7 8 9!

Why is the new OS from Microsoft called Windows 10?

Because 7 ate 9.

Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to 10?

Because Windows 7 ate 9!!!

Why did Microsoft jump from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

Because Windows 7, 8 9.....

What company spent over $6.2 billion in buying Viagra?

Microsoft

This joke may have profanity.

How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool?

Microsoft Word.

Why are Microsoft circuit boards so bad?

They use French resistors.

Why did Microsoft skip straight to 10?

Because Windows 7, 8, 9.

Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10?

Because seven "ate" nine.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

What does it take to break a Nokia phone?

Microsoft.

Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system?

Because 7 ate 9.

How is Microsoft like Bob Marley?

I do updates before I do updates. And then I do updates.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.

How does Microsoft count to 10?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, ME, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.

How soft is Bill Gate's pillow?

Microsoft.

What does his wife call it?

Microsoft.

Who's Microsoft's favorite musician?

Adele

Why did Microsoft name their new web browser "Edge"?

Because people familiar with the U2 guitarist of the same name are already used to long delays.

What does it say on the door of the Microsoft store?

No shirt, no shoes, no Surface.

Who has the better search engine: Yahoo, Google, or Microsoft?

I dunno. Let's google it!

What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night?

No wonder you called the company Microsoft

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9 and going straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9!

Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls?

His hardware was Microsoft

What does Bill Gates call his manhood?

Microsoft.

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*

Why did Microsoft skip windows 9 and annouce windows 10?

Because windows 7 8 9

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Consent Jokes More Consent Jokes

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

What do you call a joke that makes fun of a woman, who has not consented to be made fun of?

Misogynistic.

Person Jokes More Person Jokes

How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?

Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!

How do know if the person that you have just met is a DJ?

They will tell you.

Window 10 Jokes More Window 10 Jokes

Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10 and skip 9?

Because Windows 8 9.

Why does Windows 10 say "Hello"?

Because my PC is a Dell.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

God Jokes More God Jokes

Why do we have oceans?

Because based god and acid god had a baby.

Why did god invent patchouli?

So blind people can hate hippies too.

Winter Jokes More Winter Jokes

Why do bees stay in their hive during Winter?

Swarm.

Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?

He got lost in the maize.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What kind of fruit tells the best jokes?

A punkin. Edit: and apparently not me.

Why did the water level in the pond rise?

Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.

Install Jokes More Install Jokes

Why do Mexicans always install those tiny steering wheels in their cars?

So they can drive with the handcuffs on.

How do you install "blackout curtains"?

They just get hammered.