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Save Jokes

How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

Nun chucks.

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What's the difference between Joe Paterno and Harambe?

Harambe tried to save the kids.

What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

Why is it worse this time around?

Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.

Why Did Superman Save a Burning Chemistry Lab?

He was trying to save Krypton

Why was Simba unable to save his dad in The Lion King?

He couldnt Mufasa enough.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

He was too far out, man.

How do you save a pirate's life?

C P Arrr!

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?

It saves so much time.

Who is saved?

America

Who get saved?

The United States of America

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How do French thank who save their files?

Merci backup.

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?

Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (Jesus Christ this one's even worse than the last)

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?

AY E! I O U edit: added Y

What did adam say to eve?

Let's save humanity.

How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?

They push Two twins together to make a King

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Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

Why did the hillbillies save some doe?

Because they knew it would give them a buck in good time.

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

Who gets saved?

America

What does a sandal do on Sunday's?

It saves its sole.

How do you save a drowning black family?

As a.jpg

How do dogs save for retirement?

With a Ruff IRA.

What did the barfly say to the other barfly?

I saved you a stool.

What bounces and makes kids cry?

The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

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What's the best way to save on toilet paper?

Slow your roll.

How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All, to save this world from the darkness.

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?

They were too far out.

How do you save a drowning mouse?

Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!

Why women fail at saving money?

Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...

What's the only thing that could have saved George Michael?

A whambulance

How can we stop ISIS?

EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress!

Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?

He forgot his Loggins

What can save a dying blonde?

Hair transplants.

Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

What saved the ship?

Flambuoyancy

What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime?

Econoclasts.

Which Jedi can save PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

Who was saved?

The Russian people

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

Why is Jesus so rich?

Because Jesus saves.

What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?

Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

Why wouldn't the worker accept 10 fresh chickens as a reward for saving a farm on fire?

It was a poultry amount

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?

A 401(K-9).

What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what

Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

Who do you save?

America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

Why do men like love at first site?

A. It saves them a lot of time.

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

Why are churches never broke?

Because Jesus saves.

Where did that offensive joke post go?

I'm pretty sure I saved it to make reference to eventually and now I cannot find it. There was some gold in there.

What do you get when you cross Godzilla, saved by the bell, and crystal meth?

Go go power rangers!

How did he get so rich?

By saving the gas money!

Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

Because an itch in time saves nine.

Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?

It was legend dairy.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

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Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

I ain't no chive, Turkey.

Mature Jokes More Mature Jokes

How can you tell if you have a mature or an immature sense of humor?

Poop.

What's the difference between a millennial and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.?

In A Bomb Blast Population Decrease.. * But.. * In A Condom Blast Population Increase..!

What is the difference between a girl from London and a Kitkat?

You only get 4 fingers in a Kitkat.

Nun Chuck Jokes More Nun Chuck Jokes

How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

Nun chucks.

What is a Catholic's favorite weapon?

Nun-chucks.

Attack Jokes More Attack Jokes

What is it called when a ship attacks their own navy?

Edit: Whoops wrong sub.

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What will you have sir?

Bear: "Gin............ and tonic." Bartender: "Why the big pause " Bear: "I dont know my dad had them too."

What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?

My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What does it mean when a doctor has both hands on your shoulders?

The Prostate exam isn't going he way you expected

Why are terrorists so mean?

Because they don't like Nice people.