What's the only thing that could have saved George Michael?

A whambulance

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What saved the ship?

Flambuoyancy

What's the best way to save on toilet paper?

Slow your roll.

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Why did the spreadsheets get divorced?

They just couldn't sort things out.

Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?

Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

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What do George Michael and Carrie Fisher have in common?

Both their first names have six letters. That's it. For now. Edit: they're both dead.

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.