How do you make a hamburger green?

Find a yellow cheeseburger and mix it with a blue one!

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Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on Thanksgiving)

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What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water?

A religious movement.