How do you make a hamburger green?

Find a yellow cheeseburger and mix it with a blue one!

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Why couldn't the auction house find any buyers for the Celtic artifact?

It was completely runed.

Why can a number divided by zero never be found in the dictionary?

Because it's undefined.

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What do you call a neurotic octopus?

A crazy mixed-up squid.

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It's a relephant.