How does Tom Brady like his soda?

Flat.

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Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

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What is Tom Brady's favorite opera?

Deflatermaus! (Die Fledermaus!)

Why does everyone care who Tom Brady voted for?

What we really wanna know is who Ja Rule voted for. WHERE IS JA!