What are your best family friendly Christmas jokes?

I need some for tonight.

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Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What did the blind paraplegic child get for Christmas?

Cancer. Happy New Year's folks!

What did the child with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

How are college students like plants?

They both need natural light to survive!

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

Why does vampire Superman want to go out?

Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)