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What cell carrier do Mormons use?

Virgin Mobile

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Where are the colored printers?

I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

Why can't Nietzsche use pencils?

Because they're all pointless

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What do you call an elderly nun riding a scooter?

Virgin Mobile.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

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What is a Mormon's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol?

Invite two of them.