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What did one snake say to another?

Hiss off!

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How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?

It has a rattle.

What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long?

A thon

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What do you even say to someone like that?

I just hissed at them.

What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

Claude