What did the sorting hat say to the quadriplegic?

Stay here, I'll just go on ahead.

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is dog.

What did the yogi say to his friends when they asked him to leave?

Nah I'ma stay

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What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

Why did the police arrest the sidewalk sidewalk?

It always had some sort of weed on it!

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What did the sorting hat say to the quadriplegic?

Stay here, I'll just go on ahead.