What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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What else?

You've walked out of wife

How about a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what

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Where would you find the emo kid at his birthday party?

Just *hanging* out by himself in the bedroom

How are a hobo and a balloon alike?

Both are without visible means of support. (My son found that in a children's joke book)