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What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

How JokeExplainBot spent his weekend?

Explaining his wife.

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What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.