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What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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What does the snowman call his wife?

Snowblower

What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

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Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother?

He can never find the Loki.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.