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What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?

Neither of them can finish a play

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What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

Why won't Hillary ever pull out?

She's never finished screwing people.

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What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

Why doesn't Michael Jackson play chess?

Because he's dead.

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What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree?

I freed the what?