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What do Ryan Giggs and Imogen Thomas have in common?

I'm not allowed to tell you

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What's the difference between a toilet and a sink?

Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.

Why Aren't Elephants Allowed On The Beach?

Because they always blow their trunks off!

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What kind of dog can tell time?

A clockshund!

Why did the pirate update his Macbook?

His matey told him he needed an iPatch