What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke?

That sounded a lot better in my head

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What happened to me?

Snow Doctor: Don't worry you're fine. But... what did you think a snow blower did

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

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How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Just spell it like the way it sounds!

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

Scream) APPLE!!!

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What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

Why did the fisherman head out during a storm?

For the halibut