What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne

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What do you call it when fish stop having babies?

Minnow-pause

Why can't witches have babies?

Because their husbands have hollow-weenies.

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What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars

What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars?

Astronomical