What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne

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What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

Why are we at the vet?

Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch

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What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars?

Astronomical

What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars