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What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars?

Astronomical

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What on Earth did the NASA discover?

Nothing, it was on Mars

What did Mars say to Saturn?

Give me a ring sometime.

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What are the odds I could find the sum of numbers from 1-100?

I'd say it's fifty fifty

Why does C-3PO always tell Han the Odds?

Because he can't even.

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What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars

What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne