What does toilet paper and office paper have in common?

You can write on both of them with a No. 2

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What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

Why can't America play chess?

They are missing 2 towers

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What did one potatoe say to another?

Dan Quayle wrote this joke.

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it ".... Keep moving.