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What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs?

Two pirates

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Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What has two legs and looks like a spider?

A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

Why are pirates, pirates?

CASUE THEY ARGHHHHHHH

Why did the pirate update his Macbook?

His matey told him he needed an iPatch

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater?

That's the worst book I ever read.

Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge?

He couldn't keep his hands off his privates

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What is the first thing a blind man says?

My eyes! My eyes!

What did the barber say to the Potato?

You've got eyes on the back of your head!