What is an Undertaker's favorite element?

Barium.

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What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift?

His and Hearse towels

Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

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Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium, you'd barium!

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium