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What is the best stand-up routine of our time?

I nominate Chris Rock's Never Scared.

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Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

Why did Oscar Pistorius lose his court case?

He hadn't got a leg to stand on.

What does Yao Ming stand for?

When he sits down it takes too long to get back up.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?

Time served

How does a witch tell time?

With a witchwatch.

Nominate Jokes More Nominate Jokes

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What's the real reason Lego Movie didn't get nominated for an Oscar?

They thought it was called "The Leo Movie".