What mysterious hair product does Lucifer use to keep himself looking good?

Arcane-gel!

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What's the difference between a police baton and a magic wand?

Ones used for cunning stunts.

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw a heard of elephants?

Oh look! A heard of elephants.

Why does a walrus love Tupperware?

Because he's always looking for a tight seal.