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What's been in the works for 7000 days and has barely made any progress?

Me

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

What does a pirate's beard feel like?

Corsair. (works better in a pirate accent)

Progress Jokes More Progress Jokes

What can you say to your trainer that will compliment then on your progress and also be wildly inappropriate?

You make me hard

What is the opposite of progress?

Colgatereally)Congress.