Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables?

In an American nursing home.

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Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

What did the busy tailor say to the Scarecrow who needed some mending?

I can't find the twine.

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What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?

A Lift (only a joke, my American friends)

How do you call a person that speaks only one language?

An American