Which candy is never on time?

Choco-late.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy?

Whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time.

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

Candy Jokes More Candy Jokes

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

It was Valenswine's Day.