Candy Jokes

What did the candy say as they saw a group of intimidating crackers approach?

Cheez It!

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Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Why did the man name his daughter Candy?

She was the sweetest mistake he ever made.

Which candy is never on time?

Choco-late.

What did the pedophiliac rabbi say to the young boy?

Hey there little boy, you wanna BUY some candy?

Why did Jesus go to a Candy shop?

To Test a Mint

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

How do you spell "candy" with only 2 letters?

And

Whats easier than stealing candy from a baby?

Stealing candy from a dead baby.

Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

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Whats your favorite pickup line?

Mine is: I'll give you candy if you get in the van

What do you get if you cross teeth with candy?

Dental floss!

How do sheep divide candy?

They all get their fair shear

Which do you choose?

WRONG. Neither. Don't ever take my candy.

What did the Israeli Prime Minister who can't say the word "and" say about candy that caused such a hubbub?

Mike Ike's are my least favorite.

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

How are music and candy similar?

We throw away the rappers.

How's everyone else holding up?

Anyone know why they all have bags of candy

Who's there! Candy! Candy who?

Candy cow jump over the moon!

Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars?

If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read

Why does Daniel love white vans?

Because he likes candy... *I'll walk myself out*

Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?

Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears.

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

It was Valenswine's Day.

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Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

How's my life?

Let's just say I'm starting a lot of sentences with "let's just say".

How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?

Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.

Daughter Jokes More Daughter Jokes

How did a mom figure out her daughter had hit puberty?

She kept wetting the bed.

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What's the worst part about admitting to your friends and family you play PokemanGo?

Having to admit you have autism:,P

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

Because he screwed up the delivery...

Soda Jokes More Soda Jokes

What do you call it when you drown a baby in soda?

Infantacide

What do you call a soda in love?

A Crush

Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

WANNA RIDE BIKES?

What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line?

Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?

Allahu Snackbar Jokes More Allahu Snackbar Jokes

What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?

Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

Why do pigs love Halloween?

There's lots of hogsgobblin.

Chip Jokes More Chip Jokes

What's the best part about being an orphan?

All your chips and candy bars are family sized.

What do you do for a living?

The engineer replies " I make chips" "Oh yummy!"