Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

They're short 2 towers.

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What did the spectator say when the magician transformed Dracula into 2?

Miraculous. Edited: tough crowd

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

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Why did Marlin and Dory never date?

Dory was played by Ellen Degeneres.

Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

Because she's probably a keeper.

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Why does Bob Seger always laugh when he plays chess?

He thinks it's funny how the Knight moves.

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

New Yorkers Jokes More New Yorkers Jokes

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people?

What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian, and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.

Why are New Yorkers so depressed?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.