Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode?

Because it's bipolar.

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What's the fastest land animal on earth?

An Ethiopian chicken

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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What will the Easter Bunny be doing after Easter?

One to three for breaking and entering.

What does a bird say when he enters Nofrills?

Cheap, Cheap, Cheap...