Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

He was too far out, man.

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Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

Lifeguard Jokes More Lifeguard Jokes

What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?

They both watch whales.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.