Lifeguard Jokes

What do you get when you cross a computer with a lifeguard?

A screensaver.

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Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

He was too far out, man.

How did your first day as a lifeguard go?

Me: "Amazingly well, thanks. Everyone was so friendly and waving at me."

What did the lifeguard say to the hippie?

You're too far out, man.

What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?

They both watch whales.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

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1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

What is a dog's favourite sport?

Formula 1 drooling!

How many pollocks does it take to paint a house?

1 to hold the brush and 1000 to turn the house!

Cus Jokes More Cus Jokes

Why was the smurf's hat blue?

Cus it was sad.

Why did the hipster burn his tounge on his coffee?

Cus he drank it before it was cool...

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

How do the Greeks seperate the men from the boys?

A crowbar.

How do you separate the men from the boys in the Navy?

With a crowbar.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?

Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any

What do you call a dog who loves to be dominated?

A sub woofer. Thank you & God Bless

Computer Jokes More Computer Jokes

What connects the computers in Sauron's office?

A Tolkien Ring network.

Why was the first computer never invited to dinner?

It would just take a few bytes then run.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why don't they play poker in the savanna?

Because there are too many cheetahs. Thank you i will be here all day.

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

Drown Hippie Jokes More Drown Hippie Jokes

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out man.

Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie?

Because he was too far out man.

Curve Jokes More Curve Jokes

What did the exponential equation say to the linear equation?

Real graphs have curves.

What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds?

What if it's just farting noises Is it graded on a curve