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Whale Jokes

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do whales do on dates?

Netflix and Krill

Why are there no feminists in Japan?

Because they hunt whales.

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why did the whale cross the road?

To get to the other tide.

Why was there a whale in Wales in a well?

We're not sure, its a deep subject....

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

Why was the whale lonely after his date?

The other whale didn't humpback.

What do you call a symphony of whales?

An orcastra

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station

What is a whales favorite pasttime?

Netflix and krill.

What do you call a whale that isn't wearing any underwear?

Free Willy

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

How do you get a whale off a beach?

A whale-barrow!

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

How do you weigh a whale?

On Whale Weigh Scales.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What is worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

Going to kiss your grandmother goodnight and she slips you the tongue.

What do you say when you see three whales?

Whale whale whale, what do we have here

Why did the whale have to go see his doctor?

His diet was krill-in him.

What do you call a group of whales playing music together?

An Orcastra

How do you turn a fox into a whale?

Marry her.

What's worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

When you go to kiss your grandma goodbye and she slips you the tongue.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

How do whales type e-mails?

With their fish fingers.

Where do they weigh whales?

At the whale weigh station of course.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?

Whale of fortune!

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

Why did the whale like the diver?

Because he had flippers!

What gave you that idea?

Queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?

You can't keep a good man down!

What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?

They both watch whales.

What's the difference between a whale and a toaster?

You didn't pop out of a toaster.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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Suspend Jokes More Suspend Jokes

What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?

One is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling.

Why did Darth Vader get suspended from the Police?

He was under investigation for excessive use of Force

Fin Jokes More Fin Jokes

Why did the gray whale go on a diet?

Because he wasn't a Fin whale!

What am I herring?

This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me You're so shellfish Fin

Weasel Jokes More Weasel Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.

What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a stoner with a halo nerd?

Masterchief

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

Ethic Committee Jokes More Ethic Committee Jokes

What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar?

Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

What makes a grown man cry?

Watching his wife and children die before his eyes.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.

What do you call a physicist who makes lets play videos?

Quarkiplier

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What did the ocean ask the scooba diver?

Water you doing here

What "bus" crossed the ocean?

Columbus.