Whale Jokes

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do whales do on dates?

Netflix and Krill

Why are there no feminists in Japan?

Because they hunt whales.

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why did the whale cross the road?

To get to the other tide.

Why was there a whale in Wales in a well?

We're not sure, its a deep subject....

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

What do you call a symphony of whales?

An orcastra

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station

What is a whales favorite pasttime?

Netflix and krill.

What do you call a whale that isn't wearing any underwear?

Free Willy

How do you get a whale off a beach?

A whale-barrow!

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

How do you weigh a whale?

On Whale Weigh Scales.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!

What do you say when you see three whales?

Whale whale whale, what do we have here

Why did the whale have to go see his doctor?

His diet was krill-in him.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do you call a group of whales playing music together?

An Orcastra

How do you turn a fox into a whale?

Marry her.

What's worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

When you go to kiss your grandma goodbye and she slips you the tongue.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

How do whales type e-mails?

With their fish fingers.

Where do they weigh whales?

At the whale weigh station of course.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?

Whale of fortune!

Why did the whale like the diver?

Because he had flippers!

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?

You can't keep a good man down!

What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?

They both watch whales.

What's the difference between a whale and a toaster?

You didn't pop out of a toaster.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

Squawky-talkies!

What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear?

None, they go commando.

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?

Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise Oh, right, *of course*!"

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?

Angel food cake of course!

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What are you doing?

Are you writing down everything I'm saying! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG!!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Wave Jokes More Wave Jokes

Why is the sand so quiet?

Because the waves keep going "shhhhhh".

What did the giant wave say to the man?

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Sea Jokes More Sea Jokes

Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul?

Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel.

Why do seagulls fly by the sea?

Because if they flew by the bay they'd be bagels.

Ethic Committee Jokes More Ethic Committee Jokes

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar?

Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off?

Because he wanted to win the Nobel Prize!

Why didn't the shepherd cut off his sheep's wool?

Shear laziness.