Hippy Jokes

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy from drowning?

He was too far out maaaaan.

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How can you tell if a hippy came to your house?

He's still there.

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch?

Namaste.

What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch?

Namaste

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How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who knows, they never get the house.

How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.

Lifeguard Jokes More Lifeguard Jokes

What did the lifeguard say to the hippie?

You're too far out, man.

What do you get when you cross a computer with a lifeguard?

A screensaver.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How long does it take Han Solo to screw in a light bulb?

Less than twelve parsecs.

Why did the priest cross the road?

To screw in the children that were crossing the road

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Why do women love the smell of babies so much?

Because 50% of the taste is in the smell.

What smells better than it taste?

A nose

House Jokes More House Jokes

What did the house turn into on the night of the full moon?

A Warehouse.

What's a gangsta say when a house falls on him?

Get off me, homes!

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why is your face all scratched?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses!

Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?

So I punched him in the head.

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What aftershave do monsters wear?

Brute.

Why do women parachutists wear jock straps?

So they don't whistle on the way down.

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

What did the hippie say when his girlfriend told him to move out?

Nah, I'm a stay. (namaste)

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

The hippie carrying it. What's dumber than that? The yuppie buying it. What's dumber than that? The box of rocks