Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend?

Because Sheeran

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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Who invented schools and teaching?

Ed. U. Cation!

What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

He paws-ed it!

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Why was Ed single?

Because Sheeran away.

What happened to Ed's girlfriend?

Sheeran