Why was the calculator salesman happy when he sold his cheapest calculator?

Because they all add up!

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How do you turn soup into gold?

You add 24 carats!

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

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Why did the hacker start selling his services?

So he could make his 4Chan.

What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?

He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."