Why was the haunted mansion self conscious?

Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML.

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What weighs more than a car and uses a lot of fuel, but hardly ever moves?

Your mom.

How many tries does it take to get to the front page?

A LOT.

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What is it about tall creepy Louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow?

Their bayou loomin' essence

Why was the haunted mansion self conscious?

Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML.