Creepy Jokes

Why was the haunted mansion self conscious?

Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML.

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Who me?

Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.

Why did the creepy hipster get arrested?

Because he was following people before instagram

What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

Let's grow MOLD together!

What is it about tall creepy Louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow?

Their bayou loomin' essence

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Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What do you call a man holding two apples in one hand and three oranges in another?

No chance of blocking an uppercut.

What's the best way to get a hold of Vin Diesel?

IM Groot.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why was Mrs. Clause's stocking full on December 21st?

Because Santa came early this year.

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?

On their feet!

Glow Jokes More Glow Jokes

How many Chernobyl survivors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They already glow.

What did one firefly say to the other?

Got to glow now!

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?

When they had lots of sleepless knights!

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What type of trees do chickens grow on?

Poul-trees

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people call memes "dank"?

Because they release dopameme!

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What type of computer sings?

A Dell.

What type of jokes do planets tell each other?

Cosmic jokes.

President Jokes More President Jokes

What do you call a president crossing the road?

A presidestrian

Why do you want to run for President?

Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.