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Trust Jokes

Why couldn't anyone trust the snowman to do anything?

He was kinda flakey

Everyday Deserves a Joke
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Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why should you never trust someone straight after coitus?

Usually they're lying

Why should you never trust someone giving away batteries?

There's no charge.

Why can't you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

How much do I trust reddit?

I went on before seeing the new Star Wars.

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle?

He was a lion.

Why can you trust a musician?

Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster?

He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.

Birthday State of Mind
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Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

Why are atoms untrustworthy?

They make up everything. Credit to from an askreddit thread about what not to trust.

Why can't you trust anything MATTER says?

Because it makes up everything.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen?

Scientist A: Are you sure? scientist B: Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

Why should you never trust atoms?

They make up everything.

Why did no one trust the dermatologist?

He kept making rash decisions.

Why can't you trust a snowman?

Because they're all a bunch of flakes

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

We've Got This Love Thing Down
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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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What piece of furniture can you always trust?

A Reputable.

How can I trust you again?

H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

Why can't you ever trust a cat?

Because they are always lion

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

Who came up with hugs?

The very first hug must have been really creepy. "What are you doing Why are you holding me " "Just trust me."

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

Why can't I trust my Walmart calculator?

It's always 7% off.

Why can you trust chocolate but not marshmallow?

Because chocolate doesn't make a peep.

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Why don't you trust me?

She texted both the guys simultaneously.

Your Age Is Only Math
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Your Age Is Only Math

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How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood?

Trust Me...

Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon?

He's such a wookie pilot. I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good.

Why should you never trust soap?

It's an emulsive lyer.

Why do they attach chains to their pens?

If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

Why does that sign say Grand Canyon?

Are you sure this is the right way Lemming: Just trust me, ok

Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?

"Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"

Why didn't you answer your home phone?

Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

Why can you never trust a clumsy barista?

Because she's always spilling the beans!

Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

Why should you never trust a noodle?

Because they're in-pastas.

Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?

Because it might be a *sham*

Why can't you trust snakes?

They speak with forked tongues!

Why can you trust a coffee roaster?

Because he never spills the beans

Why can you always trust a bee without wings?

Because it's down to earth.

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Siamese Twin Jokes More Siamese Twin Jokes

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

Stalin Jokes More Stalin Jokes

Why didint Stalin like his new IPhone?

It had a 5 year plan

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

Cuz they were stalin'!

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

He charges you double.

Why was the horse all charged up?

It ate some haywire!

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why didn't the Asian man cry when his wife died?

Because he just couldn't bereave it.

Which movie is on every man's bucket list?

Die Hard

Atom Jokes More Atom Jokes

Where does an atom go when it breaks down?

A quantum mechanic. lel

What did the duck say after it split the atom?

Quark! Quark!

Pen Jokes More Pen Jokes

What does a pig use to write his term papers with?

Pen and Oink!

What do you call a pen without style?

Stylus.

Lenin Jokes More Lenin Jokes

What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink?

A communist party

What do you call a red lemon?

A Lenin.)

Render Jokes More Render Jokes

Why did the console peasant cross the road?

To render the other side.

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.